 Rejection: Don't Take It Personally
Rejection occurs when someone says, "no" to your idea, request, or action. Some people need the approval of
other people. They are vulnerable when told "no." But the assertive person accepts "no" as a denial in a specific
situation and doesn't think that he is being rejected as a person.
Communication is the expression of another's perception. "No" is not a rejection of you. It is the rejection of
an idea. Don't take it personally. This only complicates your ability to communicate and decreases your
effectiveness and understanding of the situation.
Though there are some dishonest manipulators who say, "no" and mean it as a direct rejection of you, most people
want the same things from communication as you do. No one likes to be talked down to. Nobody likes rejection. But
honest and straightforward clarification of criticism or rejection helps you to resolve the conflict. Concentrate
on remaining objective and not giving in to your emotions.
Conflict caused by criticism and rejection can be resolved by clarifying the situation with yourself and the
other involved. Don't store up bad feelings of rejection and anger only to have them resurface at a later time.
Clear the air. Express your feelings. Accept the feelings and information of the other person. Then move on.
How To Communicate With A Man
When sharing feelings with a man, let him know you are not trying to tell him what to do. Don't ask him too many
questions or he may feel you are prying, or trying to change him. He will either become defensive or agree with you
for the moment to pacify you.
Pausing is a practical and useful application in gender communication. This gives the listener the opportunity
to consider the speaker's primary needs before responding. This is especially useful when a female asks a male for
support or a favor. Allow the male to work through his resistance. As long as you remain silent you stand a good
chance of getting what you asked for.
Women have a tendency to break the silence with comments like, "Oh, never mind," or "It's not that important,"
or "Don't bother." Women also have a tendency to ask tag questions, with qualifiers. This makes their statements
less powerful and believable.
Men often talk over women, or speak louder to get their point across. This makes women feel unevenly matched.
Worse, it can be interpreted by women as a means of control. The soft spoken, more tentative style common to women,
however, can be wrongly interpreted as being uninformed or unsure.
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