Become An Expert At Body Language

Because body language is such a powerful tool, you need to take care when using it - so, before you begin, a few words of caution! First, it's a myth that body language allows you to read a person like a book. This theory, which was an attempt to 'alphabetize' nonverbal communication by defining a single gesture as having a single meaning, was originally fashionable in the sixties. If people scratched their nose, that meant they were lying. It didn't matter whether they were scratching because their nose itched, because they were nervous, or because nose-scratching was an important ritual in their sub-culture - they were still seen as lying. Nowadays, we know it's just not that simple. Body language elements differ in meaning, and can be understood only in the context of a person's life situation.

Don't think you can use body language to get others to do what you want. People aren't fools. If you try applying nonverbal techniques in order to manipulate someone into liking you, then of course they'll respond to what you do - but they'll also respond far more strongly to those of your actions that reveal your manipulation. They'll register, often unconsciously, your false smile, your shifting eyes, your nervous stutter - and will act accordingly. So if you're expecting to be able to rule the world through body language, you'll be disappointed!

How can you best use body language? The first step is to develop your powers of observation, gathering as much knowledge as possible when you interact with others. Looking is the most obvious way and probably the channel through which you'll gain most information. Listen, too, not so much to people's actual words but to the way those words are said, the way voices sound as people speak. Your other three senses, touch, smell and taste, can also tell you a surprising amount: the warmth and moisture of a colleague's handshake can give you vital clues as to how confident he is about the meeting; a friend's body odor will actually shift if she becomes scared during a horror film; a lover's taste will change as he becomes aroused.

As you become more expert, you'll be able to notice not only the more obvious 'macro-clues,' such as people's gestures or facial expressions. You'll also be able to spot the much more subtle and even more fascinating 'micro-clues.' So, although at first you may spot only the macro-clue of someone's angry clenched fist, in time you'll also register the micro-clue of their skin color change when they just start feeling irritated. With practice, your mastery of micro-clues will let you understand (and even predict) just how those around you are thinking and feeling, and so be one step ahead all the time.