Active Listening Vs. Argumentative Listening

Most arguments could be avoided if the participants use "active" and "reflective" listening. Most arguments start because one or both of the participants are not listening empathically and non-judgmentally. Here are the differences between active listening (conflict-free) and argumentative listening (with potential conflicts).

1. The active listener listens to the content. The argumentative listener filters the content. The active listener does not judge the content of what is said. If she is listening to a business presentation that uses facts and figures, she mentally or physically notes the content (facts, figures, words, ideas) and then, after getting the whole message, decides on her response. The argumentative listener filters the same information, choosing the content that she agrees or disagrees with and, before getting the whole message, forms a conclusion and a response, usually a rebuttal.
   
   
2. The active listener listens to the intent. The argumentative listener filters and judges the intent. The active listener considers the intent of the speaker objectively when she responds to the whole message. The argumentative listener filters and judges the intent and makes assumptions about the speaker and the message. She bases her response, usually a rebuttal or argument, on this biased understanding of the intent of the speaker. For instance, an active listener can identify various ploys used by a politician to trigger an emotional response, but the active listener refrains from making a positive or negative judgment. In the. Same situation, an argumentative listener may focus on the politician's attempts to manipulate the audience and react negatively.
   
   
3. The active listener assesses the speaker's nonverbal communication. The argumentative listener reacts to the speaker's nonverbal communication. The active listener uses the speaker's nonverbal communication to understand the complete message. The argumentative listener reacts to the speaker's nonverbal communication emotionally rather than intellectually.
   
   
4. The active listener monitors her nonverbal communication and filters. The argumentative listener does not monitor her nonverbal communication and filters. Because the active listener is responding to the whole message, she is careful to control the message she is sending to the speaker nonverbally. She is also aware of her own emotional and mental filters. The argumentative listener simply responds emotionally. She does not attempt to control her nonverbal communication or filters.
   
   
5. The active listener listens to the speaker non-judgmentally and with empathy. The argumentative listener judges and evaluates the speaker. The active listener attempts to understand the speaker's position and message. She understands that listening empathically and non-judgmentally keeps communication channels open. The argumentative listener judges and evaluates the speaker by her own standards, her own agenda.